Wizards Get Facebook 2
by Charlie DG
Summary: The hilarious chats of all the Harry Potter characters will make u laugh out loud, GUARANTEED!  Rated T because it contains A LOT of inappropriate stuff, so don't read if you don't have a DIRTY sense of Humor. You may now proceed to the epicness :D
1. Naked In Hogsmeade

**Authors Note, Please Read:** Hey Guys! It's been so long since I've written a WFB chapter, and I must say its great to come back to this. It's amazing that since I first started writing WFB and it got popular, so many other Harry Potter on Facebook fanfics have been created. I'm glad that the genre got quite popular lol, but it does kinda suck because now I have so much new competition. But i hope all my true fans from the first WFB come back and enjoy this. I don't know if this sequel will get as popular as the original but I really hope that you guys like it. I will keep writing WFB as long as there are people reading it who like it :D So please read this and _leave a_ **REVIEW ****if your interested in updates**.

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><p><strong><span>Wizards Get Facebook:<span>**_The Sequel_

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><p><strong>C H A P T E R O N E<strong>

**Naked In Hogsmeade**

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><p>.<p>

_Harry is now Online_

_Neville is now Online_

_Draco is now Online_

_Cho Chang is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

.

**Neville:** OMG! I cant wait for tonights show!

**Cho Chang:** I know! Its gonna be awesome :D

**Draco:** hmmm... idk guys, I think it's problly gonna suck.

**Harry:** what are u talking about?

**Ron:** I know draco! What makes u think its gonna suck?

**Harry:** no, neville, I meant... what are you all talking about? What show?

**Cho Chang:** we're talking about the facebook awards that fred and george are hosting tonight

**Harry: **what? Facebook awards, how come no one told me? :o

**Neville:** Idk, it was all over twitter :/

**Harry:** oh! No wonder I haven't heard of it! My twitter got confiscated by the ministry after they arrested me for disorderly conduct and indecent exposure last month in hogsmeade :/

**Ron:** What! Omg harry, u got arrested? how come i'm hearing of this _now_!

**Harry:** 'cause I didnt have a twitter to update, so I had no way of contacting anyone

**Neville: **dude, we sleep in the same room...

**Cho Chang:** …. and u still had facebook..

**Harry:** actually, facebook was cancelled, remember? Speaking of witch! How come we're on facebook again?

**Draco: **Charlie DG sent out a tweet letting everyone know he's making a sequel :/ so I guess u didnt get it 'cause u know... u were nude in hogsmeade...

**Ron:** yeah, whats up with that by the way? What the hell were u thinking?

**Harry: **oh lol, its really a funny story lmfao

**Cho Chang:** please do share with us...

**Harry:** well, u see.. I was in the hogs head with dumbledore and hagrid, and we were all high on weed 'cause dumbledore was packed with joints, and then hagrid ordered 10 firewiskeys for each of us, and when we were done drinking.. well, I suggested we play strip poker, but the two didn't know how to play so instead that just took all of their clothes off, jumped on a table and started singing mistletoe by Justin Beiber. And I figured I should do that too, so I just took my clothes off, but then Aberforth (the bar keeper) told me to either put my clothes back on or leave because i was making the other customers feel bad because I had a bigger d*ck than them.. and so I left. And then I started poking things with my penis outside and then I walked into Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop and started putting my trunk in people's tea cups and groped a bunch of girls and they didn't like that so Madam Puddifoot started to yell at me, but then dumbledore and hagrid burst in completely nekkid and started jumping on a tables and started singing... and by that time, minsitry officials had arrived and we all got arrested... and as a punishment, the judge in the wizengamot courtroom said he will take away the things that give us social power so he took away dumbledores beard, hagrids mom, and my twitter... so yeah... AND IT WAS THE BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE!

**Ron: **Harry, your a MutherF*cking Prince. Thats what u are, a PRINCE! :D

**Neville:** we are not worthy *bows low*

**Draco:**D amn! That sounded soo fun, I wish I was there :)

**Cho Chang:** you know harry, I _REALLY _wish I was there ;) *wink *wink

**Harry:** :D I would've liked that, u sexy piece of chinese pussy :)

**Cho Chang:** im not a cat, anyway I gtg now. I'll see you guys at the awards tonighit :) bye.

**Harry:** Bye

**Draco:** bye :)

**Neville:** later, alligator c:

**Ron: **^ ur so gay neville, … bye cho :)

.

_Cho Chang is now Offline_

.

**Neville:** I think I gtg too :/ bye guys

.

_Neville is now Offline_

.

**Harry:** ok so who's still here?

**Draco:** me

**Ron:** and me

**Harry:** alright, can u guys explain to me what these facebook awards are about?

**Ron: **well harry, Fred and George came up with the idea of having them, so basically, they just have a bunch of categories with nominees from all of our facebook conversations like 'Funniest Quote' 'Biggest Douchebag' 'Most Heart-Felt Moment' 'Saddest Moment' and a bunch of other stuff...

**Harry: **sounds cool, am I nominated for anything?

**Draco:** they dont tell you the nominnees untill the show

**Harry:** hmm.. well i better win 'Most Handsomest Character'!

**Ron:** actaully, people say cedric diggory is a favorite for that one right now...

**Harry:** wtf, thats bullshit!

**Draco:** I Know! I should totally win that!

**Harry:** suck my dick draco!

**Draco:** Gladly! wait... I mean, ew, no!

**Ron:** lol

**Harry: **welll this just got really awkward

**Draco:** yeah... im gonna leave now

**Ron: **yh, I gtg 2

.

_Draco is now Offline_

_Harry is now Offline_

_Ron is now Offline_

_.  
><em>

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><p>.<p>

_Snape is now Online_

_Dumbledore is now Online_

_Hagrid is now Online_

.

**Snape: **omggggg! dumbles, what happened to your beard!

**Dumbledore:** the ministry took it away from me because apparently I was terrorizing little girls in hogsmeade last month.

**Snape:** were u?

**Dumbledore:** I honestly have no idea... I was to busy being a BAMF to remeber anything ... :)

Snape: What's a BAMF?

Dumbledore: A BAD-ASS-MUTHER-FUCKER! as Hagrid! he was there with me! :D

**Hagrid:** rofldm, I'm still kinda hungover and its been like 4 weeks

**Snape:** rofldm? What does that stand for?

**Hagrid:** Rolling On the Floor Like Drako Malfoy :)

**Snape: **lol, thats hillarious

**Dumbledore:** I dont get iit :/

**Hagrid: **havent u seen a very potter musical/sequel?

**Dumbledore:** no, never heard of it

**Snape:** you disgust me dumbles ….

.

_Snape is now Offline_

_Hagrid is now Offline_

.

**Dumbledore:** hmmm...

**Dumbledore: **Forever Alone :(

.

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><p>.<p>

Please **REVIEW** for Chapter Two, And Let Me Know What You Think Of This Sequel. This Chapter Was Supposed to Include The Face Book Awards, But I'll Upload That Soon Because I'm Running Behind On A Bunch Of Stuff. Put This Story on Your **STORY ALERT** To Be Notified of Further Chapter, And I Would Also Appreciate Any **FAVORITE**S I Get.

If you have any ideas for categories fr the awards or would like to vote for who wins what award, tell me in the** review** section. And please do share this with your friends :)


	2. WIZARDS GET FACEBOOK AWARDS

**Authors Note:** If u haven't read the original, u can find it on my profile.. i suggest u read it because this will make more sense to you. Otherwise, please REVIEW and let me know what u think :D

**BTW, 'oddaud' who are you?**

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><p>L A D I E S...A N D...G E N T L E M E N<p>

WELCOME TO THE 1 S T...A N N U A L

**WIZARDS GET FACEBOOK AWARDS**

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><p><strong>Presented By: <strong>

**Fred ****&**** George Weasley**

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><p><strong>The following people are now Online for the WFB Awards:<strong>

_Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, Luna, Ginny, Seamus F, Oliver W, Parvati, Padma, Hannah A, Pansy, Draco, Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Dumbledore, Hagrid, James, Lilly, Snape, McGonagall, Voldemort, Filch, Alan Rickman, Lavender, Crabbe, Goyle, Molly, Edward, Bella, Cedric, Wannabee Wizard, Your Mom, Satan and a bunch of other non-important people._

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><p><em>Also appearing tonight are Dobby and Winky the house elves<em>.

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><p><em>(In the Audience)<em>

**Harry:** omg, I'm sooo fucking excited for this! :D

**Ron:** It's gonna be awesome!

**Voldemort:** I bet im gonna win best villian :D

**Satan:** BUDDDYYYY! I'm the king of evil so u best shut up!

**Voldemort:** AVADA KADEVRA!

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_Satan is now Dead_

.

**Snape:** my lord, did u just kill the devil? Satan himself... the driving force of evil?

**Voldemort:** IM THE NEW SATAN

**Harry: **can u two shut up? The shows about to begin.

.

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><p><em>.<br>_

_(Fred and George walk on stage greeted with incredible applause)_

**Fred:** Wow, George would you look at this crowd :)

**George:** I know bro! Its huge c:

**Fred:** okay, so welcome to the first annual facebook awards :) Tonight ladies and germs, we will decide once and for all, who the most epic facebooker is.

**George:** Who the funniest is!

**Fred:** what the funniest moment was!

**George:** who the biggest douche bag was!

**Fred:** and a bunch of other stuff, so sit back and relax

**George:** and enjoy this short poem by Hermione Granger, to start off tonights ceremony :)

.

_(Applause as Hermione walks on stage)_

.

**Hermione:** _Roses __A__re Red_

_ Violets Are Blue_

_ Most Poems Rhyme_

_ But This One Doesn't_

**Fred: **Thank you for that wonderful and enlightening poem Hermione.

**George:** and now, to present our first award, we welcome on stage Dobby and Winky.

**Dobby:** Our first award tonight is 'Funniest Moment'

**Winky:** A Funniest Moment is something that is so funny it deserves a slap in the face and a kick in the nuts. Fortunately, over the course of the original Wizards Get Facebook fanfic, many funny jokes have popped up so here are the few that we think are the best. Ladies and Gentlemen, the nominees:

.

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><p><strong><span>Funniest Moment Nominees:<span>**

_Snape in: Boiled in Semen_

**Snape:** Hello Draco. Have u finished ur essay on why muggles deserve to be boiled in semen?

.

_Hermione in: Pansy's Nipple_

**Hermione:** im gonna skin u alive and show up pansy's nipple!

**Harry:**… I wouldn't mind that, well, the second part at least.

**Hermione:** *death glare*

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_Dumbledore in: She's Pregnant_

**McGonagall:** im pregnant with ur child Albus!

**Dumbledore:** …

**Dumbledore:** how could this be? I thought u were on the pill?

**McGonagall:** I LIED! im terribly sry *cries*

.

_Sirius and Snape in: Are you fucking Sirius?_

**Dumbledore:** R U FUCKING SERIOUS!

**Harry:** no, im fucking ginny. I think loopin is fucking siruis.

**Lupin:** no, im fucking tonks.

**Harry:** then who is fucking siruis?

**Snape:** :'( leave me alone.

**Harry:** omfg…

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_Harry Potter in: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE!_

"The problem is that we are still technically in a fanfiction. This is still a pardoy. You just aren't on Facebook anymore."

"Stop ruining my fun you dirt old gay Pratt!" Yelled Harry. "I HATE YOU!" he screamed and ran off crying into the grounds. He ran and ran, the sound of his feet was blocking out his sobs. He stopped running when he reached the forbidden forest and then he started to cut his wrists because he was so depressed. He ran deeper into the woods and started chanting prayers to the conjoined sister gods of the Centaurs and Unicorns. But then he stopped when he saw the vampire Draco having sex with Ebony, the love of his life. Then Dumbledore came up from behind him and slit Harry's throat with a banana peel he found in the great cave of albinos behind the pyramids of gizar and said "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING HERE!" and then I decide that this ending is ttoo Fucking cOnfusing and I assure you that this is not the last chapter because u are probably wondering what the fuck is going on right now. I just wanted to have an ending to this chapoterr that u will nvere forget so this is it. Andyway, that's all the shit my brain can take for today, so goodbyte.

.

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><p><strong>.<strong>

**Dobby:** Well, I must say, these were some very funny moments, but only one of them will go home tonight with the WFB award for Funniest Moment. Winky, can u please read us the name of the winner?

**Winky:** Of course Dobby, the winner is _Sirius and Snape in: Are you fucking Sirius?_

**Snape:** omg, I cant believe we won!

**Harry:** I cant Either! I should have won that! WTF!

**Sirius:** shut up u ungrateful brat!

**Snape:** I'd like to thank the academy and all of my fans who voted for me. And I'd like to thank my parents for being dead for my most of my life and I'd also like to thank my good friend Sirius for all the love and effort he's put into us having a good moment to turn into a joke. Oh, and I love u LILlY!

**Lil****l****y:** ...ew

**Sirius:** lol, your welcome Snape. I'd like to thank my girlfriend stepahnie who couldn't be here tonight for excepting me even though I cheated on her with snape that one time. And just for the record I am not gay! I was just curious.. so yeah thankyou.

**James:** lol, snapes sucks! Your were pretty good though sirius, but my son should have won this.

**Harry:** thanks dad! My ebony thing was GOLD!

**Lilly:** Agreed :)

**Hermione:** I think I should have won.. I spent hours coming up with that joke :(

**Dumbledore:** Are you guys fucking joking! Me fucking Mc-G was the funniest thing that ever happened to that fanfic, hmm.. it was like the biggest gossip topic for sooooo long!

**Hermione:** yeah, but no one thought it was funny...

**Snape:** Everyone just thought u were a douchebag :/

**McGonagall:** Yeah! And I would still like some CHILD SUPPORT!

**Dumbledore:** FUCK You McGon, I aint payin for shit!

**Fred:** if you guys are done, can we please move on to the next award?

**George:** yeah, we only have this place booked for the hour :/

**Hermione:** this is a chatroom... on facebook

**Fred:** and dont you worry your slutty little head about it, now lets move on to the next award: Biggest Slut. And to present the award, we invite death eater legend, Bellatrix Lestrange on stage.

**Bellatrix:** Thank you Fred :). A Slut is a whore but somewhat different, well... not really :/ Anyone can be a Slut, except for me and the Dark Lord.

**Voldemort:** Yeah! u go girlfriend! :)

**Belltrix:** blushes* anyway. Here are the nominees for 'Biggest Slut'

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><p><strong><span>Biggest Slut Nominees<span>**

_Hermione in: Head-Girl_

**Ron:** dude! She's my girlfriend

**George:** so? It's not like it's the first time shes cheated on u

**Ron:** wtf do u mean?

**George: **dude, shes the head-girl….

**Fred:** yh, incase u didn't notice, that title has more than 1 meaning

**George:** I've done Hermione 3 times

**Neville:** my first time with her, we went into the forbidden forest and did it in the back seat of the weasley family car

.

_Dumbledore in: I Like the Hogwarts Staff_

**Dumbledore:** Snape I was wondering, men can't make other men pregnant can they?

**Snape:** No! I don't want to do *it* with u! u faggot

**Dumbledore:** well.. u see, I was in bed with my dear friend Professor Flitwick, and things… well.. things began to get hot so I took my robes off but no matter what I tried, I couldn't get my thingy to erect. it was soooo embarrassing :/

**Sirius:** we really did not need that mental picture dumbledorf *pukes*

**McGonagall:** professor Dumbledore. Are you ready for tonight?

**Dumbledorf:** I'm preparing Minerva. Please leave me alone with Mr. Potter and Weasley for a minute.

.

_Harry in: 3 Sum_

**Harry:** lol, 1 time I had a 3 sum with Hermione and luna :D

**Harry:** I remember my 1st time with Hermione. It was back in year one. We petrified hagrid and did it in his cabin by candle light…. Goood times … :D

.

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><p>.<strong><br>**

**Bellatrix:** And the Award Goes too...

**Hermione:** oh, I hope its not me, that award will just bring back unwanted memories :/

**Ron:** u bet it will :s

**Harry: **lol, I actually wouldn't mind winning this one :p

**Dumbledore:** You can have it, ugh, I dont wanna win this..

**Bellatrix:** The Winner is... lol, it's Hermione!

**Hermione:** Ugh.. :(

**Harry:** How come im NoT WINNING ANYTHING?

**Bellatrix:** dont worry boy, u should be a shoe-in for biggest Brat! Lmfao

**Lucius:** roflms

**Lupin:** what does that stabnd for?

**Lucius:** Rolling On the Floor Like My Son

**Draco:** lol daddy, ur sooo Funnnyy!

**Narcissa:** oh look at u draco, ur so cute when u laugh :)

**Ron:** Ugh.. ..ew, drako and 'cute' shouldnt be in the same sentence without 'is not' in the middle :p

**George:** lol, okay guys, moving on... Here to Present the next Award for Most Emotional Moment is: Luna Lovegood, that sexy piece of fine ass ;)

**Luna:** Thank you George, I appreciate you comment about my pooper. your butt seems to be of exceptionally quality aswell :) anyway, An Emotional Moment is a moment where the participants of a conversation have displayed a touching and Heart-Felt series of words that create a sentence that is sad or emotional in some way. Here are the Nominees:

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><p><strong><span>Most Emotional Moment Nominees<span>**

_Ron in: My Girlfriend is Cheating On Me_

**Ron:** how long has she been cheating on me?

**Harry:** I told u, since the first day of school.

**Ron:** and when were u planning on telling me? I thought u guys were my friends.

**Fred:** chill out dude!

**Harry:** look mate, ur not actually serious about hermione r u?

**Ron:** WHY WOULD'NT I BE!

**Harry:** im sory mate, calm down

**Ron:** No! Harry, i actually loved her!

.

_Ron and Hermione in: The Breakup Scene_

**Hermione:** Ron, I luv u!

**Hermione:** I always have!, I don't know why I ever did what I did, but I regret every moment I've spent with another boy. Ur the only one who I truly care about.

**Ron:** then why? WHY HERMIONE! if u really did luv me, u wouldn't have acted like such a slut!

**Hermione:** :'(

**Hermione:** im sry…

**Ron:** No, im sry… sry that I will never forgive u.

**Hermione:** ron please…

Ron is now Offline

_._

_Harry and Hermione in: The Consoling_

**Hermione:** not now harry…. I bet u saw wat jut happned?

**Harry:** don't worry, I wont tweet, just this once.

**Hermione:** then why r u here?

**Harry:** to make sure ur ok.

**Hermione:** :'(

**Harry:** don't worry Hermione, give him some time.

**Hermione:** I luv him harry!

**Harry:** I know….. I know Hermione….

_._

_Ron and Hermione in: I Want You Back_

**Ron:** I don't wanna talk to u

**Hermione:** just listen to me!

**Ron:** we've already had this conversation Hermione, I'm done with u!

**Hermione:** but ron, please… I swear, im sorry! And I know u want me back, y cant we just put this all behind us?

**Ron:** fine! I'll forget about it. All of it…

**Hermione:** so u forgive me?

**Ron:** how about me and you forget that we ever had something, and pretend like we don't know each other, that'll work fine for me.

.

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><p>.<p>

**Luna:** Well, I think theres a good chance Hermione will be one of the winners. It's not a coincidence that all of the nominated emotional parts from WFB are of Ron and Hermione because their's were the only emotional parts. I think we're all glad that those days are behind us, 'cause drama wasn't really what made WFB work but I think-

**Neville:** Hey! Luna, can u please just tell us who won so we can move on?

**Luna:** oh right, sorry, the winner is: _Harry and Hermione in: The Consoling_

**Ron:** Wow! How did I not win?

**Harry:** Because your the one who broke up with her in the first place, no one cares about u. She got her heart broken and I was the handsome friend who consoled her.

**Hermione:** whatever, that doesnt matter 'cause me and ron are back together now.

**Harry:** yes, I noticed when u told me i'm not allowed to do it with u anymore -_-

**Neville:** lol, well lets move on.. I hate it whenever our convo's get serious :/

**Sirius:** did someone say my name?

**Lupin:** no u dog, no one did, go back to ur cave

**Sirius:** loopin? Why r u being mean to me? I thought we were friends :(

**Tonks:** Don't mind him sirius, (it's his time of month)

**James:** lol u make it sound like he's having a period

**Fred:** lol, ok guys. The Next Award is the Second last/best one and it is: The Best Line Award.

**George:** to present this award we invite on stage the man who himself Spoke the best line EVER! Alan Rickman!

**Alan:** Thank you for that lovely intruduction Gerorge. May I ask what line u were refering to?

**George:** In Deathly Hallows Part II (movie) when u said 'Always' :D

**Alan:** oh, yes, thank u. I try my best.

**Snape:** WE LOVE YOU ALAN RICKMAN!

**Voldemort:** YOU WERE THE BEST DEATH EATER EVER!

**Alan:** oh thank you guys, thank you very much. But we should really get to the award. Here are the nominees:

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><p><strong><span>Best Line Nominees:<span>**

_Hermione Granger in: Transfiguartion_

**Hermione:** whatever -_-, I don't neeed to listen to this crap. Im busy studying the shit out of transfigration.

.

_Severus Snape in: I hate your son_

**Snape:** yeh, btw I hate ur son. I hope Voldemort rips him into a million a pieces and burns his body in the fiery pits of hell. And rapes him before killing him.

.

_Edward Cullen in: Be Happy_

**Edward:** I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school… I wish I could bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles and everybody would eat it and be happy…

.

_Harry Potter in: A Dream_

**Harry:** I had a dream that none of this was real and our lives were being controlled by some hot mom named Joanne Kathleen Rowling and we were all just characters in books and movies about my life.

.

_Ron Weasley in: Harry_

**Ron:** Harry is a piece of mother****ing ***hole ****sucker in a castle far far away, ********* ** **Micky Mouse**** ******* ****ing ********er ******Daniel Radcliffe ****er piece of ****!

.

_Harry Potter Once Again in: Worth Your Tears_

**Harry:** leave him, Hermione…no guy is worth ur tears and the one who is, wont make u cry.

.

_Harry Potter Yet Again in: _

**Harry:** wtf? What do u think this is? A death eater convention?

.

_Harry Potter AGAIN in: Listen Voldy!_

**Harry:** u know wat! I have had enough of your fuckin death-eater-ness! Listen Voldy, I will rip that piercing right off ur niPple! First u kill me parents and then ur friends kill Dumbledore, fred, dobby, Hedwig, tonks, and lupin, and SIRIUS! And now ur trying to make my life a living hell! GET THE FUCK OFF! And leave me and my firnds alo0ne, u no-g00d piece of sdhit!

.

_Fred in: Sirius?_

**Fred:** Why so Sirius?

.

_Neville in: My Girlfriend_

**Neville:** umm… she got hit by a car, yh…. Shes dead now.

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_Dumbledore in: Im Hip!_

**Dumbledore:** come on! Im hip, I can even speak ur teenage lingo… watch: wazzup! my hommiee G dogzz!

.

* * *

><p>.<strong><br>**

**Alan: **Well there are obviously many deserving Nominees tonight, but only one can win and that winnner is: _Edward Cullen in: Be Happy_

**Edward:** OMG! I Won! :D

**Bella:** I know u could do it edward! :)

**Harry:** WTF!

**Neville:** NOO! what is this crap!

**Hermione:** that wasnt even his line!

**Ron:** Yeah! He stole it from Mean Girls!

**Snape:** and He isn't even a Wizard! He doesnt even go to this school!

**Edward:** I may not go to hogwarts, but I still have a lot of feelings

**Bella:** :)

**Dumbledore:** THIS IS CRAP!

**Harry: **BOOO!

**Ron:** Where's Fred and George?

**Fred:** Here

**George:** present..

**Harry:** Why would u choose EDWARD'? from twilight*-*!

**Fred:** What can we say...

**George:** we have a soft spot for twlight

**Ron:** what the hell.. man this is bullshit!

**George:** Okay, if u guys are done. The next award we'll be giving out is the Biggest BAMF Award.

**Fred:** To present this award we invite on stage Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.

**Crabbe: **For those bastards who don't know what a BAMF is, it stands for Bad-Ass-Mother-Fucker.

**Goyle:** And I think it's stupid that we were invited to present this award because we will most likely be the winners :/

**Fred:** Don't be so sure of that dick heads..

**Crabbe:** shut the fuck up fred, no one gives a shit what u think

**Fred:** Ummm... me and my brother are the ones who decided the winners in the first place so u stfu. I can honestly say right now that its not gonna be you guys,

**Crabbe:** well FINE! Fuck this then, im leaving..

**Goyle: **yeah, me too..

**George:** Whatever, roll the clip... I mean nominees:

* * *

><p><strong>Biggest BAMF Nominees<strong>

_Neville in: The Fake Girlfriend_

**Neville:** ah, finally we are alone

**Alex:** I know, I thought they would never leave.

**Neville:** thanks for pretending to be my girlfriend in front of my friends :D

**Alex:** well, when your paying me 25 galleons, it's no problem at all

.

_Voldemort in: The Death Eaters Are Going Green_

**Voldemort:**oo

**Bellatrix:** why do you have to o's?

**Voldemort:** because I have two nostrils.

**Bellatrix:** I think you used that joke already :p

**Voldemort:** i'm recycling! The eaters are going green now,

**Snape:** why?

**Voldemort:** whats the point of ruling the world if it's all under water?

**Snape:** oh, good point...

.

_Ron in: Hermione Porn_

**Ron:** ok great. Umm… soo… r u horny?

**Harry:** why do u ask? ._.

**Ron:** I thought u might wan to come over here and watch some porn with me.

**Harry:** sorry, i'm not interested.

**Ron:** u sure? I've got like 800 pictures of Hermione naked here…

**Harry:** R U EFFING SERIOUS? :D

**Ron:** no I'm effing Hermione.

.

_Arthur Weasley in: I AM A GINGER_

**Mr. Weasley:** HOW DO AIPLANES FLY? I NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE I AM A GINGER WITH NO SOUL!

**George:** wtf

**Ron:** dad… r u alright?

**Mr. Weasley:** of corse not! Im a ginger!

.

_Draco Malfoy in: You're A Canadian!_

**Harry:** oh yh? Well ur a Hungarian horntail!

**Draco:** well! ur an Australian cane Toad!

**Harry:** you're a Bulgarian Glossy pink Moth fly!

**Draco:** yh, well ur a Canadian!

**Harry:** Oh! i KNOW u didn't just call me that!

.

_Harry Potter in: Fuck Off_

**Ron:** Harry, can I ask u a question!

**Harry: **no, fuck off…

**Ron:** but—

Harry is now Offline

_._

_Fred and George in: Beyond Faith_

**George:** beyond faith there is Knowing. And when one is not yet in a place of Knowing, because one is in a place that is new, there is faith. Beat that, bitch!

**Fred:** Skepticism is a virtue, but risks becoming cynicism. Cynicism is a vice. Faith is a virtue, but risks becoming belief. This is a weakness. May we hold skepticism close; may faith hold us closer. But let us not belittle the beliefs of others, for although beliefs are legion they may lead to faith, and faith is one.

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_Wanabee Wizard in: BIG TEXT_

**Wanabee Wizard:** AVADA KEDAVRA! Haha, that's awesome!

**George:** Who the f*ck are you?

**Wanabee Wizard:** I HAVE BIG TEXT NOW

**Harry:** ummm…. k?

**Wanabee Wizard:** MY BIG TEXT EAT YOUR TINY TEXT!

Wanabee Wizard has now been kicked off of Facebook for being a faggot

_._

_Snape in: I will 'Always' love you_

**Snape:** OMG! Is it really u?

**Lilly:** Snivellus?

**Snape:** YEAH! :D

**Lilly:** ew, I was looking for james :$

**Snape: **But.. I love u

**Lilly:** after all these years severus?

**Snape:** "Always" :'(

.

* * *

><p>.<strong><br>**

**George:** Well how Bad-Ass are those nominees? :D

**Fred:** With so many amazing talents here today, it was tuff decision deciding who the final award will go to. But in the end, we finally were able to decide the best, Biggest Bad-Ass-Mother-Fucker in Wizards Get Facebook!

**George:** And the winner of the Biggest BAMF AWARD IS dfasdfggdhggfn dfigasef asu gergtt

dffhdosfjg df

gdf

hg

gf jph97546213v gvb

gb45y

oops, sorry my hand slipped :p

**Fred:** the winner is...

**George:** *deep breath

**Fred:** Your mom.

**Your Mom:** REALLY?

**Fred:** lol, no I was just kidding

**Your Mom:** Aww.. :'(

**George:** the winner is.. about to be annouced

**Harry:** JUST TELL US THE MUTHERFUCKIN BAMF ALREADYY!

**Fred:** Fine! The winner is, believe it or not...

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(To Be Continued)

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><p><strong>VOTE FOR WHO YOU WANT TO WIN THE BIGGEST BAMF IN THE REVIEWS SECTION!<strong> I wont update this story until people start voting so get to it! :D


	3. WIZARDS GET FACEBOOK AWARDS Part II

**WARNING:**

_**This chapter is a quite inappropriate so dont say i didnt warn you!**_

* * *

><p><em>Thanks to everyone who voted, the results have been contabulated and with 5+ votes, the winner is: announced in the context of this chapter. I realize i've said this a lot, but i really don't think this chapter was the funny, (sorry?) But hopefully u enjoy it! it's also not that long, so yeah.. keep <em>**REVIEW**_ing though! I love ur_** Reviews. **

* * *

><p><span>Special Messages:<span>

to _SheWhoShallNotBeNamed_: I cannot message u because i don't know ur account name, so maybe u should message me first, and i can get back to u that way :D

to _dumbledore-plays-the-piano_ and _Chloe: _you guys should make acounts so i can get back to u :)

to _oddaud_: who are you? (again)

* * *

><p><strong>Let me know what u think of this chapter!<strong>

* * *

><p>L A D I E S...A N D...G E N T L E M E N<p>

WELCOME BACK TO THE 1 S T...A N N U A L

**WIZARDS GET FACEBOOK AWARDS (Part II)**

* * *

><p><strong>Presented By:<strong>

**Fred ****&**** George Weasley**

* * *

><p><em>(...Continued)<em>

**Fred:** the winner is...

**George:** *deep breath

**Fred:** Your mom.

**Your Mom:** REALLY?

**Fred:** lol, no I was just kidding

**Your Mom:** Aww.. :'(

**George:** the winner is.. about to be annouced

**Harry:** JUST TELL US THE MUTHERFUCKIN BAMF ALREADYY!

**Fred:** Fine! The winner is, believe it or not...

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**George:** _Voldemort in: The Death Eaters Are Going Green_

* * *

><p><strong>Voldemort:<strong>oo

**Bellatrix:** why do you have to o's?

**Voldemort:** because I have two nostrils.

**Bellatrix:** I think you used that joke already :p

**Voldemort:** i'm recycling! The eaters are going green now,

**Snape:** why?

**Voldemort:** whats the point of ruling the world if it's all under water?

**Snape:** oh, good point...

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Harry:** what... the... FUCKKKKK! AHHH!~! stupid award!

**Ron:** I totally deserved this... everyone loves Hermione porn :/

**Hermione:** s: wtf ron! U have 800 pics of me naked!

**Ron:** $:

**Voldemort:** omg...

**Bellatrix:** My lord! You've won :D

**Voldemort:** i... i-i did... didnt i? Omfg I CANT BELIEVE THIS :DDD!

**Snape: **I knew you could do it sir :)

**Harry:** How DA FUCK does VOLDY win this?

**George:** well haryy, unlike u... voldy's actually doing some good in this world, he's popularizing recycling :) he is a BAMF

**Ron: **This is bullshit! I should have won

**Neville:** stfu ron, me paying Alex was way better than u watching porn

**Luna:** lol, neville I cant belive u were paying her to be ur girlfriend lmfao

**Harry:** rofldm

**Mr. Weasley:** I should have won BECAUSE IM A GINGER!

**Molly:** honey, I think thats why u didn't win...

**Ron:** yeah, fred and george are just racist

**Fred:** excuse me! Im a ginger too if u haven't noticed

**Mr. Weasley: ** exactly! Why would u not choose ur own kind!

**Fred:** dad.. really? I mean seriously? Are u really gonna try that...

**Molly: **Thats it! u knoe wat, u guys can sleep in a tent or something from now on, because ur not welcome at the burrow anymore

**George:** where are we supopsed to go then?

**Molly**: IDK, but screw u too, u've been trouble since u were babies and you dispatched ur own umbelica cord, while u were STILL INSIDE ME! They had to c -section u out 2 weeks earlier.. no woder u 2 are so stupid, ur brain cells must not have had enough time to develop :/

**George: **wow :o... we were BAMF's even then!

**Fred:** if we had known that, we would have given ourselves the BAMF award!

**Molly:** do whatever u want : u guys have now officially been D I S O W N E D. so dont talk to us anymore!

**George:** mom! U cant be serious!

**Sirius: **she isnt serious, i'm sirius!

**Lupin:** and i'm loopin :)

**Wannabee Wizard3:** AND IM A WIZARD ! :DDDDDDD

**Snape:** not this douche bag again -_-

**Lucius: **Boil him semen snape! :D

**Snape:** ok :)

**Dumbledore:** SNAPE! Dont u dare do that again! I'll fire you!

**Snape: **you know what screw this, I QUIT! Im going to go work for Rumbleroar at pigfarts

**Draco:** :D take me with u!

**Snape:** im sorry young one, this is a journey i'll have to take on my own (*looks into distance). It is my calling, and mine alone.

.

_Snape is now Offline_

_Molly is now Offline_

_Draco is now Offline_

_Harry is now Offline_

_Dumbledore is now... you know what, fuck it! everyone is now Offline :/_

_Facebook is sad because no one is now Online_

_Oliver Wood is now Online_

_Facebook is now Happy_

_Oliver Wood is now Offline_

_Facebook is now Sad... again :(_

.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

_**(The Next Day)**_

_Harry is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

_Fred is now Online_

_George is now Online_

_Dean is now Online_

_Seamus is now Online_

.

**Fred:** hey guys, george and I just wanted to thank u once again for letting us crash at ur dorm for a few days

**Dean:** dont worry about it.. It was fun having u guys around :)

**Seamus:** easy for u to say -_- they never played any pranks on u!

**Dean:** why? What did they do to u?

**Harry: **lol! U didnt hear? It was hillarious ;)

**Seamus:** you know how we were all drinking firewhiskey last night right?

**Dean: **yeah, wat about it?

**Seamus:** well... fred and george spiked mine

**Dean:** with what?

**Ron: **lol, it was a shrinking potion!

**Dean:** well, seamus... u dont look any smaller to me :/

**Seamus:** it wasnt any normal shrinking potion...

**Ron:** it was a penis shrikning potion! Lol

**Dean:** LMFAO! haha, wow... did u get it fixed?

**George:** well we dont know how to make an antidote soo...

**Harry:** LOL!

**Seamus:** its not funny guys! I wanna have kids someday :/

**Ron:** I guess ur gonna have to go to Madam Pomfrey lol

**Seamus:** :(

**Harry:** rofldm, dont worry seamus, i'll come with u and explain what happened to pomfrey

**Seamus:** ur a good friend :)

.

_Harry is now Offline_

_Seamus is now Offline_

_._

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Pomfrey is now Online_

_Harry is now Online_

_Seames is now Online_

.

**Pomfrey: **you wanted to see me dears?

**Harry: **yes poppy, we kinda have a problem here

**Pomfrey:** Well what is it?

**Harry:** Seamus has a small penis

**Pomfrey: **well, im afraid thats just wat nature wanted for u semaus, I cant do anything about that :/

**Seamus:** no! I used to have a really BIG one, but then I umm... 'accidently' drank a penis shrinking potion and it got small :(

**Pomfrey:** r u sure? Ur not lieing to me?

**Seamus: **no maa'm

**Pomfrey:** ok, i'll see what I can do. Take off ur pants and show it to me

**Harry:** thats what she said ^

**Pomfrey:** yes, it is wat I said... now remove them mister!

**Semaus:** *takes off pants

**Pomfrey:** oh dear, that is small... ok here we go... ERECTO PRIVATALIO!

**Seamus:** It worked! Its big again

**Harry:** Theres a spell to make ur DICK BIGGER! omfg, this is the kidn of stuff they should teach us in school! :/

**Pomfrey:** it's used to make any body part on any living thing bigger. But they dont teach it to u guys yet because its hard to do... only extreamly intelligent people can do it.

**Seamus:** we should get hermione to do this to us :)

**Harry:** yeah! :D

.

_Hermione is now Online (with exreamly large breasts)_

_Lavender is now Online (with exreamly large breasts)_

.

**Lavender:** Madam Pomfrey, we have a problem...

**Pomfrey: **let me guess... u girls used erecto privatalio on ur breasts?

**Hermione:** :$ kinda, we were having a slumber party last night, and they dared me to do it.. but I dont know the reverse spelll :/

**Pomfrey:** very well... i'll show u how to do it... but dont do such reckless stuff again!

**Harry: **no! I mean.. wow u girls look fudjing S-E-X-Y! Right seamus! :D

**Seamus: **O: w-o-w... cant I touch them?

**Lavender:** eew, no! They're not for u!

**Harry:** then who r they for?

**Hermione:** no one! We were just being stupid, we didnt mean to keep them!

**Harry:** really hermione? Because ei think that rack would really spice up ur love life ;)

**Hermione:** I already have a boyfriend, so I dont need any spicing up...

**Pomfrey: **if u guy s are done arguing, heres the spell. Deflato Boobilius

**Harry: **does that spell only work on boobs?

**Pomfrey:** yes.. why do u ask?

**Harry:** no reason

**Pomfrey:** well ok then, I m kinda busy.. so u guys can leave now.

**Harry:** k bye

.

_Harry is now Offline_

_Seamus is now Offline_

_Pomfrey is now Offline_

_Lavender is now Ofline_

_Hermione is now Offline_

* * *

><p><em><strong>: i know, i know... it kinda sucked :(**_


	4. Snap Drako Loopin

**Authors Note, Please Read: **I wrote this instead of doing my homework.. or studying for my exams so** U guys better ******REVIEW******!** Or no more chapters! ..

lol, just kidding... there will be more chapters, but ya'll bitches** BEST BE and****** BETTER BE REVIEWING******!** _or else_... (*gives u a really dangerous look)

This one is actually quite short. But i hope u enjoy it :)

* * *

><p><strong>C H A P T E R <strong>

**F O U R**

**Snap Drako Loopin**

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Snap is now Online_

_Rumbleroar is now Online_

_McLonadoll is now Online_

.

**Rumbleroar****:** Ah! Snape! Welcome to Pigfarts! I trust your journey here was well?

**Snap:** Yes, ur lionliness :) the treacherous path to mars is a very adventurous one :D

**McLonadoll:** How come ur name is 'snap' instead of 'snape' now?

Rumbleroar: *The awkward moment when I never realized he changed his name to 'snap'

**Snap:** I thought i'd change it.. you know.. new scool... new life.. new name u know..

**Rumbleroar:** lol , k cool

**Snap:** so what subject am I teaching here at pigfarts, headmaster?

**Rumbleroar:** you will be teaching OALA here

**Snap:** whats that?

**Rumbleroar:** Offense Against the Light Arts

**Snap:** Sick! :D this is gonna be awsome!

**McLonadoll: **u bet it is!

**Snap:** so how much do I get paid here?

**McLonadoll:** u dont :/

**Snap:** waa? Wat do u mean :-$

**Rumbleroar: **well... teachers get paid out of the student fees... and umm/...

**McLonadoll: **we dont really have any students here at Pigfarts Academy of Awesomeness!

**Snap:** wtf? Why not?

**Rumbleroar:** umm.. 'cause were on MARS...

**McLonadoll:** in hindsight.. it wasnt really a good idea to put this school somewhere impossible for little kids to reach :-/

**Snap:** …

**Rumbleroar:** But dont worry! We always have each other for company :D

**Snap:** '_'

**McLonadoll:** Just out of curiousity.. r eaitehr of u 2 horny enough to fuck right now?

**Snap:** '_'

**Rumbleroar: **'_' no... we r not!

**Snap: **screw u guys! Im goin back to Hogwarts!

.

_Snap is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Ron is now Online_

_Fred is now Online_

_Harry is now Online_

_George is now Online_

.

**Ron:** hey, u guys have been crashin at our dorm for almost a whole chapter now... when are u gonna leave?

**Fred:** we're looking for a place..

**George: **I think we found one in diagon alley

**Fred:** Yeah.. we might actually open a joke shop there... I think its a good idea :)

**Harry:** A joke shop! That would be disgusting!

**Ron: **….

**Fred:** ….

**George:** '_' what is disgusting about a joke shop? I dont get it :/

**Harry: **omg, u guys need to catch up on ur slang. Digusting means 'sick' now.. and so does 'nasty' too

**Fred: **oh, lololol

**Ron: **thats stupid!

**Harry: **ur face is stupid, u stupid fuck face!

**Ron: **oh yeah.. ur mom didnt think so when she was SUCKING MY DICK LAST NIGHT! lmfao

**Harry: **…. bro... wtf. Why would u say that? my moms dead :'(

**George:** that wasnt very nice ron :#

**Fred:** not at all

**Ron:** im sorry :'( I didnt mean to hurt anyones feelings :/

**Harry: **u r forgiven... but ur still a fuck face

**Ron:** I know :(

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Drako is now Online_

_Neville is now Online_

_Harry is now Online_

.

**Neville: **Hey.. draco? U kwo ur name is spelt wrong right?

**Drako:** I know, I changed it! :)

**Harry:** why?

**Drako:** because I heard a rumour that if u want to go to pigfarts u have to alter ur name in someway. And drako is wat daddy calls me :D so yeah.. I changed it :)

**Harry:** lol, drako ur never gonna get to pigfarts! Its on MARS!

**Neville:** I know... lol. Stupid drako. Ur such a daddys boy!

**Drako:** I am not a Daddy's boy! Take that back!

**Neville:** no! 'cause u are one!

**Drako:** My father will here about this!

**Harry:** lol, drako u just proved neville right! Anyway, I gtg now. Luv u 3 guys

**Drako: **bye harry, luv u 2

**Neville:** ILY2 Harry!

.

_Harry is now Offline_

.

**Drako:** ur such a wimp neville

**Neville:** ur a fuck face drako

**Drako:** ur a fucking fuck face

**Neville:** ur a motherfucking facial fucker

**Drako:** well ur a facial fucking motherfucker

**Neville:** well then ur a fucking face fucking facial fuckering fuckheading mutherfucking motherfucker!

**Drako: **indeed, young one.. I am :D

**Nevlle: **fuck u drako

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Dumbledore is now Online_

_Snape is now Online_

_Hagrid is now Online_

.

**Snap: **I have returned :)

**Dumbledore: **SNAP! you're back! :D

**Hagrid:** YAY!

**Snap: **I missed u guyz

**Dumbledore: **we missed u too snap *hugs snap

**Snap:** *hugz dumbles back

**Hagrid:** *joins hug and squeezes the other two to juice

**Dumbledore:** lol

**Hagrid:** u know what? We should celebrate. Just the 3 of us, u know?

**Dumbledore:** Sure, sounds cool

**Snap:** what do u have in mind?

**Hagrid: **well, maybe we can go down to the hogs head and have a boyz night out. Like we did with harry, dumbldore! Except, this time we wont take that stupid prat with us!

**Snap: **That sounds great!

**Dumbledore:** Idk, my beard JUST started to grow back. I cant loose it again :'(

**Snap:** dont worry dumblewhore, u r only in trouble if u get caught ;-) if u know what I mean *wink

**Hagrid:** we can apparate out of their if the ministry arrives.

**Dumbledore:** thats a great idea :D lets do it then

**Snap:** alright, tomorrow :D we'll leave at noon then. (Y)

**Dumbledore:** i'll see u guys then :D

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Sirius is now Online_

_Loopin is now Online_

_James is now Online_

.

**James:** lupin? Why'd u change ur name?

**Sirius:** ur not doing that stupid thing where everyone is changing their name, are you?

**Loopin: **who cares if everyone else is doing it? I like 'loopin' better than 'lupin'

**Sirius: **bro, that's so mainstream now :/

**James:** Sirius? Since when r u a hipster?

**Loopin: **yeah.. I thought u were a hippie?

**Sirius: **I was, but thats so 60's now bro... u need to get with the timez. Honestly, you 2 are so un-disgusting :3

.

_Sirius is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't forget to REVIEW!<strong>


	5. Arrow to the Knee

**Authors Note:**

Umm.. so.. yeah... heres the next chapter. Hope u like it, blah blah blah and **REVIEW Goddammitt!**

I have a week off after my final exam tomorrow. So I'll make u guys a deal: If this chapter gets more than **6reviews****.**. i'll upload 3 more chapters during my break :)

hmm... I used to be able to make good chapters, then I took an arrow to the knee :(

* * *

><p><strong>C H A P T E R <strong>**F ****I V E**

**Arrow to the Knee**

.

_Harry is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

_Hermione is now Online_

.

**Harry: **… wow

**Ron:** what?

**Harry:** this is probably the first time the 3 of us are alone on fb

**Hermione:** come to think of it.. ur right.

**Harry:** yeah, :) it's like the trio is back together :D

**Hermione:** yeah harry, its nice to be be alone, just the 3 of us togetehr for a while.. now if u dont mind, can u please log off, Ron and I would like to sext each other.

**Harry:** why cant I watch?

**Ron:** yeah, hermione.. let him stay

**Harry:** it can be a 3sum sext! :D

**Hermione:** no! Ron, eaither harry goes or I go! You decide!

**Ron:** oh idk who to choose. I love u both so much, maybe I should flip a coin.. wait gimme a sec... ok I choose harry :)

**Harry:** :D

**Hermione:** omg, ron... really? You'd rather have harry than me?

**Ron:** umm...

**Hermione:** well fine then! Screw u! We are through!

**Ron: **what do u mean?

**Hermione:** om breaking up with u ron.

.

_Hermione is now Offline_

.

**Ron:** )':

**Harry: **LOL! HAHAHA! Omg Ron! U just got owned!``

**Ron: **well.. u know what? I dont even care :/ I can get a new girl any day :)

**Harry:** even if u could, how r u ever gonna get a girl with bogger titties than hermione?

**Ron:** love doesnt come from titties harry... and to be hoenst, I always prefered smaller boobs

**Harry:** really? I never knew that. How come?

**Ron:** If its bigger than a mouthfull.. its TOO big.

**Harry:** yeah iguess... if u put it like that.

**Ron: **Time to find a new Girlfriend! :D

**Harry:** good luck :)

.

_Harry is now Offline_

_Ron is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Fred is now Online_

_George is now Online_

_Hermione is now Online_

_Luna is now Online_

.

**Hermione: **:'(

**George:** why the long face Hermione?

**Hermione:** I broke up with Ron

**Luna:** omg Hermione, why?

**Hermione:** because he was being a dick

**George:** why, what as valid reason (Y)

**Hermione:** I need to find a new boyfriend

**Fred:** why do u 'NEED' to find one?

**Hermione:** to make him jelous of course :/

**Fred:** oh, well in that case... I know the perfect man.

**Hermione:** who?

**Fred:** wait, just out of curiousty.. will u allow ur new bf to see u boobies?

**Hermione:** sure, I guess.. why?

**Fred:** *mischievous grin and wink*

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**(Later that Day)**

.

_Slughorn is now Online_

_Dumbledore is now Online_

_Snap is now Online_

_Hagrid is now Online._

.

**Dumbledore:** OMG guys! Guess what!

**Snap: **what?

.

_Neville is now Online_

.

**Nevile:** Hey, sorry to barge in, but have any u guyz seen my toad, trevor?

**Dumbledore: **no, sory.. I used to be able to find toads.. but then I took and arrow to the knee.

**Neville:** )':

.

_Neville is now Offline._

.

**Slughorn: **what were u saying before that neville boy inturrepted Dumbledore?

**Dumbledore:** Ron and Hermione broke up!

**Snap:** wait.. so Hemriones single now? :D

**Hagrid:** :D

**Slughorn:** :D)

**Dumbledore:** wow.. u guys r pedos...

**Snap:** dont pretend ur not... I remember when u had gay sex with voldemort, when he was in his 3rd year... eww

**Dumbledore: **I TOLD U TO NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!

**Snap:** watever.. I thinks its obvious that hermione would never fall for u guys.. ur all so old. Dumbledore, ur like 397 years old, and hagrid and slughorn are both like 70.. but me.. im only 28.. she'll definitly fall for me :D

**Hagrid: **what? BULLSHIT! Ur not 28.. I think ur got ur numbers mixed up.. u probably meant 82! lol

**Snap:** I USED TO GET BARE BITHCED BACK IN MY DAY, but then I took and arrow to the kneee:(

**Hagrid:** Sure.. we beilve u (*sarcasm)

**Snape:** whatever.. yall r haterz.. suck my dick bitches!

.

_Snap is now Offline_

_._

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Ron is now Online_

_Molly is now Online_

_Fred is now Online_

.

**Molly:** Hey.. Ron, Fred.. I have some bad news. Your Grandma Died lol

**Ron:** omg! Whats so funny about grama dieing?

**Molly**: nothing..

**Fred: **then why did u say 'lol'

**Molly:** doesnt that mean 'lots of love'? Anyway.. I cant talk right now.. I used to have plenty of time to chat online, but then I took and arrow to the knee. :(

.

_Molly is now Offline_

.

_Snap is now Online_

_Luna is now Online_

_Harry is now Online_

_Hermione is now Online_

_._

**Hermione:** hey, harry!

**Harry: **her hermi-one

**Snap: **lol

**Hermione:** would u like to meet my new boyfriend?

**Ron:** u have a new boyfriend?

**Hermione:** umhm, he 10 times the man u'll ever be.

**Ron:** as if.. its probably like colin creevy or something :p lol

**Fred:** its me!

**Harry:** :o

**Sn****a****p:** :o

**Ron:** … wtf fred! Why would u go out with my ex-gf?

**Harry:** I bet it was cause of her big tittes...

**Fred**: ^pretty much sums things up

**Luna:** Hey why is snap here?

**Snap:** I just wanted to know who hermiones new bf was...

**Hermione:** y do u even care?

**Snap:** well, since u ask.. I just got hired as a reporter .wiz :D this is my frist story. Headline: 'Local Slut Gets New Boyfriend'

**Harry:** cool, but umm.. why dont u do a story on me?

**Snap:** because I thought about doing a story on u at first, but then I took and arrow to the knee...

**Harry:** fair enough..

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_Snap is now Offline_

_Hermione is now Offline_

_Fred is now Offline_

.

**Harry:** so who's still online?

**Luna:** Me

**Ron:** and me... Hey.. harry.. I need ur help :$

**Harry:** is the answer viagra?

**Ron:** no, and that joke is soo old now...

**Harry: ***sigh... I used to be able to make good jokes, Then I took an arrow to the knee... :"(

**Luna:** …

**Ron:** …

**Luna**: why do people keep saying that? I dont get it... what does It mean?

**Harry:** do u play skyrim?

**Luna:** No..

**Harry:** wel.. thats why u dont get it :/ anyway, wat did u need help with ron?

**Ron:** I need a new girlfriend. :$

**Luna:** I can help u with that!

**Ron**: how? do u know a girl?

**Luna:** "_"

**Harry:** I think luna, meant that she can be ur girlfriend :)

**Ron:** Really? :D

**Luna:** Sure :D

**Ron: **but will I be alowed to the fuck u as much as I want?

**Harry:** U need a dick to fuck a girl ron...

**Ron: **I have a dick...

**Harry:** I meant one larger than the nail on ur pinky finger …

**Ron:** dont woryy.. I can just use the dick enlargment charm.

**Luna:** it's settled then.. Ron and I are officially going out! :D

**Harry: **Congrats guys!.. now I'll u 2 alone.. so that u may fuck the shit out of each other...

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_Harry is now Offline_

.


	6. Stephanie

**Authors Note:**It is come to my attention that earlier in this fanfic, Critics United has been spotted threatening WFB in the reviews section. Should anyone, staff or student, attempt to aid these Critic fags, they will be punished in accordance to the severity of their actions.

Let me know what you think of this chapter in the **REVIEWS**. Please don't bother reviewing if your going to tell me that my fanfic is illegal, just go ahead and report me if u must. :)

_PS. this chapter has continuation problems since I wrote it over a long period of time and not in one sitting, hope its not too annoying._

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><p><strong>SEASON TWO<strong>

**C H A P T E R ****S I X**

**Stephanie**

.

_Harry is now Online_

_Ginny is now Online_

_Neville is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

.

**Harry:** Hey guys :)

**Ginny: **hey harry

**Neville: **Harry, did you finish that essay flitwick gave us?

**Harry:** lol.. Flitwick gave us an essay? :O When?

**Ron:** lulz,

**Ginny:** omg I have so much homework to do. I wonder where Hermione is, maybe she can help me.

**Harry: **come to think of it, I haven't really seen her lately.

**Ron:** speaking of people who we haven't seen recently, do u guys know what happened to Fred and Geroge? They completely dissappeared. Mum reckons they've been decapitated by hagird's giant brother... eaither that or they turned into giraffes, but she told me not to get my hopes up.

**Harry:** lol dont worry. Im sure they'll turn up. In the meantime have any of you guys seen malfoy latley?

**Neville: **no, why?

**Harry: **Because guess what, his dad found out he had a crush on Hermione and cursed him! :D He's been walking around with a 3-inch wide pimple on his chin... its looks disgusting. Lmao!

**Ginny: **rolfdm

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_Darco is now Online_

_Crabbe is now Online_

_Goyle is now Online_

_._

**Neville: **ew, why is draco here?

**Harry: **yeah, fuck off malfoy!

**Draco:** you fuck off!

**Harry: **-.- if I wanted my comeback I would have wiped it off your moms chin malfoy...

**Ron: **omg, rofldm!

**Crabbe: **what does rofldm me?

**Ginny: **rolling on the floor like draco malfoy

**Draco:** I dont get it...

**Harry:** thats sad drako.. very sad...

**Ginny:** wtf? ^I swear that jokes been used before

**Neville: **this fanfic is going to the dogs... :'(

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_Harry is now Offline_

_Ginny is now Offline_

_Neville is now Offline_

_Ron is now Offline_

_Darco is now Offline_

_Crabbe is now Offline_

_Goyle is now Offline_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

_James is now Online_

_Sirius is now Online_

_Lupin is now Online_

_._

**Lupin:** guys where have you been? Arthur and I were looking for you.

**James:** we were at the hogs head, omg remus, u should have been there.

**Sirius:** it was soo fun :) we met Stephanie there!

**Lupin: **Stephanie? :O_ the _stephanie? the one I dated back in our 4th year?

**James: **yeah! :) u should have seen her!

**Sirius: **bro shes soooo hot now!

**James: **She got Double D's too!

**Lupin: **:O lol just make sure lily doesnt hear u talking about another girl like that

**James: **ah, don't worry about her, she knows I love her :)

**Sirius:** anyway, we found out she has facebook! Go add her and talk with her, u might actually loose ur virginity :)

**Lupin: **wtf -.- im not a virgin

**Sirius:** … sure man, watever u say ;)

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_James is now Offline_

_Sirius is now Offline_

_Lupin is now Offline_

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* * *

><p><strong>HARRY POTTER HAS CALLED AN ONLINE MEETING FOR THE REMAING MEMBERS OF THE GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM<strong>

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_Harry is now Online_

_Oliver is now Online_

_Katie is now Online_

_Alicia is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

.

**Harry:** why are there so many people online? I just wanted to talk to MY quidditch team :/

**Oliver: **I just wanted to see how the gryffindor team is doing without me.

**Alicia:** yeah me too, I miss hogwarts and the team :(

**Katie:** well, our team is hopeless this year.

**Oliver:** why, wat happened?

**Harry:** me, ron and katie are the only ones in it ….

**Alicia: **why?

**Ron:** our beaters got infections on their penises because they both masturbated with unclean hands...

**Oliver:** eww

**Harry: **one of our chasers mysteriously fell into the lake and no one knows what happened to her..

**Katie:** and Ginny sprained her uvula so she cant play in the next game :/

**Oliver: **wow... thaat sucks.

**Harry:** I know.. I think ill try having tryouts again, but I don't think it'll help much.. we don't really have that many decent flyers in our house right now.. we might just have to back out of the competition this year.

**Katie:** :(

**Ron:** :(

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_Peggy is now Online_

.

**Peggy: **Is Nathaniel here?

**Harry:** Who the fuck is Nathaniel? And who are you anyway?... I dont know a 'peggy'

**Peggy:** sorry, wrong convo. My bad.

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_Peggy is now Offline_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

_Lupin is now Online_

_Stephanie is now Online_

.

**Lupin:** Hey Stephanie! Its been too long. :D

**Stephanie:** Yes, it has! How are you remus?

**Lupin: **im good, im good. Yourself? :)

**Stephanie: **Absolutely splendid! I was soo thrilled when I met James and Sirius and they told me you were still single. How is it possible that a good looking guy like u isn't married yet?

**Lupin: **well, I guess I just never found the right girl... after we broke up that is...

**Stephanie:** I missed you soo much remus. I really wish we could just go back and start over. Forget that nasty break up in our 4th year, I don't even remember what it was about, and I dont care.

**Lupin: **we can start over steph, it can be like old times again. me, you, james, sirius, lily, and even peter... I really miss those days :(

**Stephanie:** But, of course... it wont be the same. Still... I wish we could all hang out again.

**Lupin: **would you like to go out for dinner sometime? But, just u and me?

**Stephanie: **I would love that remus. I really would.

**Lupin: **it's a date then! :D

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_Lupin is now Offline_

_Stephanie is now Offline_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

_Sirius is now Online_

_James is now Online_

_Tonks is now Online_

_Lily is now Online_

.

**Sirius: **OMG guys! Guess what!

**James: **vat?

**Sirius:** loopin is going out with Stephanie!

**Lily:** that girl he was dating in 4th year?

**Sirius: **yes!

**James:** :D old mans still got it in him!

**Lily:** lol

**Tonks:** :(

**Lily:** whats wrong tonks?

**Tonks:** nothing

**Lily: **come on, be honest, whats up?

**Tonks:** its just that I... I kinda had feelings for Remus :(

**James: **OMG R U SERIOUS?

**Sirius: **No IM Sirius! she's tonks...

**Lily: **omg guys, that joke is soooo old and overused...

**Sirius:** so is your mom!

**Lily:** -.-

**Sirius:** lol, sorry... couldn't resist.

**Lily: **getting back to the tonks situation.. tonks honestly, u shouldn't be too worried.

**Tonks: **and why not! What if their date goes really well and they end up getting married and having 8 kids?

**Lily: **that probably won't happen :/

**James: **to be honest, tonks I really don't think that remus and stephanie are gonna work out..

**Sirius: **yeah, me neither

**Tonks: **how come?

**Lily: **you dont know why they broke up in our 4th year, do you?

**Tonks:** no, I dont... why did they break up?

**Lily: **She found out he was a werewolf..

**Tonks: **and she dumped him?

**Sirius: **Poor Remus, he was heartbroken for weeks. He really liked her back then.

**Tonks:** that bitch dumped him because he was a werewolf! :O

**Lily:** well, its not really something that girls look for in a guy, lol

**Tonks: **but I dont care that hes a werewolf lily! I love him...

**James:** then don't worry about it tonks, Stephanie is bound to become resentful towards Remus sooner or later, she'll remember what it was that turned her off, and then maybe Remus will see that his true love was you all along :)

**Tonks: **this is why I love u guys :) u make the most depressing things fun, lol

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_Tonks is now Offline_

_Lily is now Offline_

_Sirius is now Offline_

_James is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Voldemort is now Online_

_Bellatrix is now Online_

_Draco is now Online_

_Dumbledore is now Online_

_Avery is now Online_

_Greyback is now Online_

_Snape is now Online_

_Dolohov is now Online_

.

**Dumbledore: **wtf... why did I just happen to log into facebook at the same moment as all the people who want to kill me?

**Voldemort:** SILENCE FOOL! We are here to discuss some very important matters.

**Bellatrix: **My lord, what is it that u need to discuss?

**Voldemort:** 3 things. 1st I must ask why it is that Luscious is not present among us?

**Draco:** Daddy overdosed on U-NO-POO (the constipation sensation that's gripping the nation)... hes not feeling well.

**Dolohov:** 'U-NO-POO' lol, thos weasley twins are hillarious :D

**Voldemort:** k, whatever. The second thing I wish to ask all of you is how our global warming campaign is going? Has the world been rid of the threat due to our efforts or what?

**Dolohov: **sir, Dawlish the auror let slip that we have defeated global warming and you will be awarded the key to the world as a gift from it's mayor :)

**Snape: **This is a false trail. It will happen when it needs to sir, these things are beyond our control. Our efforts have greatly increased the number of peopl recycling but the problem is that only 20% of the things we recycle actually get recycled the rest goes to landfills.

**Voldemort:** K, Bella, I want u to take over this buisness and get to the bottom of why its not working. In the meantime, I should persume this to be a good time to discuss the 3rd and greatest reason I have gathered you all here right now. I wish to discuss what a pain in the ass Dumbledore has become and was wondering if anyone has any solutions?

**Avery: **we could put a sleeping spell on him and lock him away in a far away tower until one day his true love will come and kiss him to break the enchantment.

**Voldmeort:** its a good idea, but I was thinkiing more along the lines of murder!

**Dumbledore: **You guys do know im right here listeing to all of this right?

**Draco:** OHH! I could Kill him for U!

**Voldemort: **GREAT! The mabroy boy will do it!

**Draco: **'Malfoy' sir.

**Voldemort: **whatever. You are now dismissed good son, but before u leave give me a hug while I moan with pleasure. *hugs draco

**Draco: ***Hugs back.

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_Draco is now Offline_

.

**Voldemort:** snape!

**Snape:** yes me lord?

**Voldemort:** I have a feeling that young drako wont be able to kill dumbledore, why don't u let him have his fun and then finish off dumledore in the end instead?

**Snape:** k, but sir there is one problem in ur secret plan to murder dumbledore...

**Voldemort:** and what's that?

**Snape: **Dumbledore is currently here... listeing to all of this..

**Voldemort: **Really? :o

**Dumbledore: **YES!

**Voldemort:** fuck...

**Dumbledore:** indeed

**Snape: **well this isn't awkward at all (*sarcasm) '_'

**Voldemort:** …

**Dumbledore:** ..

**Snape:** k bye then...

**Dumbledore:** bye...

**Voldemort: **goodbye Snape, ily 3

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_Voldemort is now Offline_

_Bellatrix is now Offline_

_Dumbledore is now Offline_

_Avery is now Offline_

_Greyback is now Offline_

_Snape is now Offline_

_Dolohov is now Offline_

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><p><strong>Please REVIEW and let me know what u think :)<strong>


	7. When They Go Missing

**S2C7**

**C H A P T E R ****S E V E N**

**When They ****Go**** Missing**

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_George is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

_Harry is now Online_

.

**George:** sup guys?

**Ron:** not much, where have u and Fred been btw? No one knew what happened to u guys. We haven't seen u in like 2 days...

**George****:** oh, LOL.. I was visiting Charlie in Romania. Sorry I didn't tell anyone, it was kinda a top secret thing for the store. Alright, I'll tell u, me and Fred are thinking of opening a branch out in Romania, but I don't think it'll work out. Their ministry has a lot of strict regulations on importing stuff and i'll be honest... the taxes there are kinda high, so yeah. But wait.. what do mean me _AND_ fred have been gone? I went alone...

**Harry:** Fred wasn't with you?

**George: **he's not here?

**Ron:** We thought u two were gone together!

**George: **well, I havent seen him

**Harry:** ...weird

**George: **lol, dont worry guys, hes a big boi. He can take care of himself :)

**Ron:** yeah, I guess.

**Harry:** aight, imma talk to u guys later. Btw George, Lupin is throwing a party at his place tomorrow night.. he told me to tell u to come. Let Fred know if u see him.

**George: **alright, I'll be there, ill talk to u gys later

**Ron: **yeah bye

Harry: bye guys

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_Ron is now Offline_

_George is now Offline_

_Harry is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Harry is now Online_

_Ron is now Online_

_Luna is now Online_

_Ginny is now Online_

_Neville is now Online_

.

**Ron: **Hey guys, hows it going?

**Harry: **it's going pretty good, I got a Tattoo! :D

**Ginny:** Omg! Really?

**Harry: **yeah! It's right above my left man boobie.

**Neville:** what's it of?

**Luna: **is it a Purple-Horned McKrinckle-Krunch Wang-kor?

**Harry:** yes.. thats exactly what is it '_'

**Luna: **omg! Really?

**Harry:** no! Lol, I was just kidding, its a picture of me fighting that Hungarian Horntail during the triwizard tournament. :D

**Ginny: **wow! I wanna see this tatoo!

**Harry: **Are you coming to the Lupin's Party Tonight? I'll show it to you guys there.

**Ginny: **yeah I got the invitation about 2 days ago. Btw, have any of you guys seen Hermione? Lupin told me to let her know shes invited, but I havent seen her at all in the last couple of days...

**Neville: **I haven't really seen her either. She told me a few days ago that she would help me study for a test in the library today, but she never showed up :/

**Luna: **come to think of it, I have not seen her either

**Ron:** you know she's not the only one who is missing. No ones seen Fred either...

**Harry:** yeah, but I wouldnt worry about fred. george said he's probably just taking a break from all of us... wait a minute!

**Luna:** what?

**Ron: **?

**Harry:** Fred and Hermione are dating... you guys don't think that maybe they went somewhere together, you know.. like to be alone?

**Ginny:** it could be, but I doubt it.

**Harry:** why?

**Ginny:** look, I promised I wouldn't say anything, but Hermione told me that she wasn't really interested in Fred that way.. shes just trying to get over ron

**Ron:** wow, what a whore. First she breaks my heart and then goes for my brother.. what a slu!

**Harry: **oh, give it a rest Ron! Hermione is much better than u are!

**Ron:** wtf? Harry, I cant believe ur taking her side of this!

**Ginny: **GUYS! Stop fighting! Honestly!

**Ron: **whatever.. i'll see u guys at the party. I've got a test to study for

**Luna:** yea, I should probably go too, I've got a test to study for as well

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_Ron is now Offline_

_Luna is now Offline_

.

**Neville:** guys, how are you guys getting to Lupins party tonight? I might need a ride

**Ginny:** well, McGonagall is attaching up the fireplace in the gryffindor common room to the floo network for the night so we can all come and go.

**Neville:** oh, thats cool. What time are u guys leaving?

**Harry: **the party starts at 7, but me and Ginny are gonna go at 7:02 so we can be fashionably late.

**Neville:** oh cool, mind if me and alex go with u guys?

**Harry: A**lex? U mean that hufflepuff girl u were paying to be ur fake girlfriend?

**Neville:** shes not fake.. anymore. I asked her out and she said yes.

**Ginny:** Aww! Thats soo cute! :D

**Neville:** Thanks :) im gonna go now. Let me know if hermione or fred turn up anytime.

**Harry:** k, bye

.

_Neville is now Offline_

.

**Ginny:** so... just me and u left harry.

**Harry: **yeah, I guess

**Ginny:** wat do u wanna do?

**Harry:** im not sure if this a trap.. because if I tell you, ur gonna slap me. Or u might be disturbed by it

**Ginny: **lol, I promise I wont do either. :)

**Harry:** I want to fuck u in the nostril. *he said shyly

**Ginny: **DA EFF? Wtf! Dude... why would u want to do that?

**Harry:** idk.. its just something i've wanted to try.. I bet next to ur earhole, thats probably that tightest hole u've got! I just wanna see how it feels. So will you?

**Ginny:** NO! Harry, that is so digusting! U can do me in the pussy or ass or even the mouth if u want.. but... nostril? Really?

**Harry:** fine.. i'll take wat I can get

**Ginny:** lol, k, this isnt awkward at all

**Harry:** I know right?

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_Ginny is now Offline_

_Harry is now Offline_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

_Tonks is now Online_

_Lily is now Online_

_James is now Online_

.

**Lily: **hey tonks! Did u get invited to Lupin party?

**Tonks:** yeas :(

**James:** why are u sad?

**Lily: **yea, tonks this will be the perfect oportunity to get lupin. All u have to do is slip a couple of drugs in his drink to get him loose, and make ur move :D lol

**Tonks: **I guess but, guys...

**Lily:** What is it?

**Tonks:** he's still going out with Stephanie.

**James:** That doesn't matter, I told u! Its never gonna work out between them.

**Tonks:** but u guys also said that their date wasn't going to go too well.. its been like a week and they've had four more! And he looks happier than ever! He's even throwing a party.. u cant seriously think that he would give up Stephanie for me over just a few drugs :'(

**James:** look tonks, I know remus.. he makes these decisions way too fast, he may think that he and stephanie and perfect, but they're not. She's like umbridge, she hates half-breeds and shes also comes from a pretty old pureblood family. It'll never work.

**Tonks: **I guess, but still...

**Lily: **Stop worrying about this, and enjoy his party tomorrow! Maybe u should even dance with a couple of other guys.. tease remus a bit ;)

**Tonks:** lol, I guess I should try that ;)

**James:** :D

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_James is now Offline_

_Lily is now Offline_

_Tonks is now Offline_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Dumbledore is now Online_

_Hagrid is now Online_

.

**Hagrid:** Dumbledore! I did something bad, u have to help me!

**Dumbledore: **what happned hagrid? What did u do?

**Hagrid: **I had sex!

**Dumbledore: **LOL hagrid, dont worry. Theres nothgin wrong with that. Who was the lucky lady?

**Hagrid:** she wasn't

**Dumbledore: **she wasnt lucky?

**Hagrid: **No, she wasnt a lady! ...

**Dumbledore: **wat do u mean? :o

**Hagrid: **let me explain...

**Dumbledore:** please do! U better not be about to tell me that u had sex with one of my students hagrid!

**Hagrid: **no! It wasn't that, I promise! It was worse!

**Dumbledore: **go on...

**Hagrid:** I was deep in the forest, hanging out with my pet spider Aragog when I heard a bunch of people shouting in the distance, I decided to investigate when I found out that they weren't people, they were centaurs. And they were all celebrating because of something. I was hiding in the trees and watching silently, it seemed they were doing some ritual and then everyone went quite and I heard their leader speak. He said something like "Due to the signs of coming danger for this centaur herd, we offer to the heavens a sacrifice of our youngest mature virgin girl" and then in the middle of the clearing I saw that they had bound a beautiful young centaur girl and were about to kill her. And I couldn't just watch them do it so I ran into the clearing and beat the crap out of every centaur who came near her. And then I grabbed her and ran back to my cabin. The centaurs didn't follow me but the vowed revenge on me and the castle. I took the girl centaur back to my cabin and let her rest in my bed and offered her a drink and before I knew it, we were both drunk and then things starting getting heated up and I dont know how it happened but I fucked her! Right in her horse ass!

**Dumbledore:** Omg...

**Hagrid:** :'(

**Dumbledore:** what do u expect me to do about this hagrid? I cant change the past, im sorry.

**Hagrid:** but I dont want to change it...

**Dumbledore:** what do u mean?

**Hagrid:** I mean... I mean that.. I .. I think that I... I think that I might be in.. in love.. with her, sir.

**Dumbledore: **You're in love with a centaur?

**Hagrid: **she's the most beautiful one i've ever seen sir! Shes amazing. Her hair, her face, her laugh, her personality, her tities! Eevrything! I love all creatures sir, but never did I think I would love a creature like her, I never even thouhgt I would come across one so beautiful.

**Dumbledore: **Hagrid...

**Hagrid: **yes, sir?

**Dumbledore:** if every one in the world had a heart like yours, where u see creatures as who they are and not what they look like, the world would be a much better place. I wish everyone was like u Hagrid. Your story was very inspiring.. until u got to the part where u fucked a horse.. that is just plain fucked up hagrid. U should be ashamed of urself. Lol, but dont worry. It's all good. I wont tell anyone. As long as ur happy, im happy :D

**Hagrid:** Thank You so much, sir! :D

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Authors Note:**

Not much comedy in this one, but nonetheless, I actually liked this one, sorry if it was a little disturbing...

Anyway, I swear if I don't get at least 30,000 reviews on this chapter, I will send Snape to your house to boil you in semen! LOL but seriously Guys, please ****REVIEW******. **I won't update until I get feedback so get to it please! i would really like to hear your opinion on it

**:D**


	8. The Party: Arrivals

**The Party: Arrivals**

* * *

><p><strong>Neville<strong>

It was a very lovely night. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and every star was shinning in the background as the glorious light of the moon illuminated Hogwarts castle. The time was nearing 7pm and unlike most Friday evenings, all the students at Hogwarts had gathered in their respective common rooms patiently waiting for the hour to strike. This, as you may have guessed, was the night of Lupin's party.

In the days leading up to the party, most of the students at Hogwarts had received special invitations to this semi-formal event. One of these students was Neville Longbottom.

Because most people were bringing dates to the party, Neville had been nervous that he would be one of those losers who would have to go alone. Instead of bearing the humiliation, he had decided to ask Alex Shrapnel, a Hufflepuff girl (who hadn't been invited because she didn't know Lupin). She gratefully said yes and immediately gave him a kiss on the cheek. It seemed like she had been waiting for Neville to ask her out for quite some time, not that she didn't have anyone else who would ask her; on the contrary, Alex Shrapnel was a very beautiful, very popular girl in her year that many people would have killed to go out with. However, Alex preferred a nice, kind, quite, respectful person like Neville to all those idiotic douche bags who wanted nothing other than to get into her pants.

With only 10 minutes left before everyone would start making their way over to the party, Neville was getting nervous. His new girlfriend had told him that she would meet him in the Gryffindor common room by now, but there was no sign of her. Seamus Finnigan and another boy he recognized as a Ravenclaw in the 7th year stopped to look at his anxious face.

"Why you look so down?" asked Seamus. Even from 7 feet away, Neville could smell booze emanating from his breath. These idiots just couldn't wait to get their party on.

"Yeah! Where's that hot ass girlfriend of yours?" the 7th year asked with a stupid smile that was probably meant to be mocking him.

"She's just a little late." Neville said shyly. The boys laughed idiotically.

"Looks like she's not going to show, eh shlogbottom? Must've thought better of it!" laughed the 7th year. Neville was used to getting made fun of so he didn't really say anything; he just hoped they would leave him alone before his date showed up, '_if she shows up'_ he thought sadly.

"No, I just wanted to look good for Neville. It's not every day you get to go out with such a handsome man." Alex's voice came from behind him and he turned and gaped at her. She looked stunning, and the other two boys must have thought so as well because they had stopped their moronic laughter. Alex was dressed in a long sparkling black dress that showed off her curves perfectly. Some of the girls might have said it was a bit too formal for such an event, but none of the guys seemed to share the opinion. In the coming minutes as the clock ticked closer and closer to 7pm, every boy in the room was forced at least once to shift his pants to accommodate an embarrassing friend.

Meanwhile, a certain Harry Potter and his date were nowhere to be seen. In the days leading up to the party, Harry and his friends had seemed to get quieter and quieter. Even though this hardly came as a surprise, considering two of their friends (Hermione and Fred) were missing, it had become a matter of interest in the school and rumors of what they had been up to caught on like wildfire. Catching a glimpse of any of them, especially Harry, outside of their classrooms had become a rare occasion. Even Neville had been unable to talk to Harry for more than a minute without him saying he had to leave. Whatever it was that created this social depression among Harry and his Friends was kept out of Neville's knowledge. This was despite the fact that Neville had always believed himself to be one of Harry's best friends. And he was. Harry himself had said it several times. But tonight, his mind was not planning on drifting away from Alex. Tonight, Neville would get to_ live_.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Ginny**

The time was approaching 7pm and Ginny was waiting in her room for Harry to text her. They had decided they would be leaving for the party shortly after everyone else had left. Ginny was not in the mood for partying or socializing in general. In honest opinion, she hadn't been in the mood for a couple of days now, and neither had any of her other friends.

The reason: Her boyfriend, Harry Potter.

She had heard the rumors (they were very hard not to hear) that Harry, Ginny and some of their other friends had been doing something particular outside of anybody's knowledge. As if they were creating a secret plan or had been called on by the ministry for some very important job that required them to devote their time to some top-secret business, and that's why they stopped talking to people and hanging out. However, the truth was… she didn't know what the truth was. Harry had stopped talking, and this caused problems. It seemed as if that Harry Potter had been the single light bulb that kept the room of all of their friendships lit up, and now that light bulb had blown out. Harry was doing something, he was contemplating all the time but there was nothing to suggest it other than his mental absence and the out-of-character style he used in the short amount of time he spent with friends now. But whatever it was, he didn't want to talk about it. Ginny had tried to talk to him, ask him why the sudden change of behavior but she couldn't pretend she didn't know. It was Hermione.

She tried not to be jealous. She knew that Hermione was one of Harry's best friends, and that her disappearance had affect him greatly, but at times… she couldn't help but feel as if Hermione meant more to Harry than she thought.

But she trusted him. Despite the psychological occupation of his mind, Harry had still told Ginny, no matter how briefly, that he just needed some time to himself and that he would be back before she knew it. Harry wasn't breaking up with her, he was just warning her not to think he didn't care about her anymore. It's not like Harry had stopped making an effort. He was going to this party with her, wasn't he? Yeah... he could have cancelled, said he didn't feel like it, but he was going… for her. And that made her feel much better.

Ginny heaved a great sigh and felt her bed vibrate under her. She reached over and grabbed her phone to read Harry's text.

'_I'm a little tied up in the kitchens… Gimme a moment. Don't leave without me I'll be there in a sec'_

She read the text message about 3 times before she actually understood it. Her mind was buzzing with thoughts of what happened to Harry. And why was he in the kitchen? She decided to walk down to the common room to hang out with a couple of her friends while she waiting for Harry, but by the time she got there most people were already lining up in front of the fireplace. The clock on the wall showed 7pm and Professor McGonagall was standing in front of the fireplace with a large pot of floo powder, distributing it to the students as they walked into the flames, one by one.

"Hey, Ginny!" shouted a podgy boy standing at the end of the line "Are you coming to the party?" It was a stupid question seeing as she was all dressed up, but she nodded her head anyway. "Going alone, eh? Yeah... me too" he said "I prefer to be a lone wolf." Ginny held back a smile and just walked away. She didn't need to talk to this guy, it would take him less than another second to start hitting on her and she needed to show that she was not interested in his company. Sure enough, as she made her way to the portrait hole, he walked up right behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. "You think you would like to go with me then? Seeing as you're going alone… as friends, you know." Ginny was about to politely decline just before his eyes inadvertently glimpsed her cleavage… twice.

"Get lost, fuck face. I'm going with my boyfriend." She snapped. He was taken aback and stammered out "sorry" and walked away.

Ginny opened the portrait hole and climbed out of it, into the corridor. Just as she took her first step, she tripped on something and fell forward. She was quickly helped back up by a slightly amused Harry.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked annoyed.

"Nothing, but you should really watch where you are going." He said. "You okay Kreacher?" he said turning to the thing she tripped over.

"Kreacher is used to pain, Master, but Kreacher is thanking Master for Masters concern" said a slightly stumbling Kreacher the Elf.

"Oh my god! Kreacher, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, are you sure you are ok?" asked Ginny.

Kreacher remained quiet for a second before he started muttering to himself "The daughter of the blood traitor's talks to Kreacher with concern for Kreacher's well being… Kreacher should kill himself now."

Ginny narrowed her eyes in disgust. "Why is he here?" she asked Harry.

"Because he makes good food and Sirius asked me to bring him to the party, I don't want to spoil the surprise for anyone, but just you wait. You're going to love this." He said smiling. Normally Ginny might have questioned him a bit more, but this was the first time she had seen Harry smiling in a very long time and decided to let him be happy.

"Shall we go to the party then?" She asked him.

Harry checked his wrist watch. "It is 7:07pm," he said "Yeah, let's go". Ginny was sure that she and Harry would enjoy this night.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Tonks**

"You look beautiful," said Lily, from the mirror.

"She'll probably look better," said Tonks grumpily. "She's so much prettier than me; at least to _him_.

"Oh, don't say that! I think you're much more attractive that her. Moreover, when Remus sees you tonight, he'll think that too!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Sirius**

"Shit!" said Sirius, more to himself than anyone else.

It was already 7:05 pm, guests were pouring in from the floo, others were apparating in and he still hadn't finished setting up the refreshments table. Sirius and James had agreed to help Remus set up, and true to their word, they were just finishing up. Remus was dressed in a blue tux that for some reason reminded Sirius of a skinny blue fish he had once caught. Sirius had caught that fish while on a fishing trip in Lake Ontario that he went on with his friends quite a few years ago.

He chuckled at the thought of the trip for a reason unknown to those around him (a story for a later time).

Just as he finished setting up the punch bowl (not unspiked for long), James shouted from across the magically enlarged room "Oi!" and waved him over with one hand while pointing at their dates, Lily and Tonks, with the other.

This was going to be a fun night.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Hagrid**

Remus's party had begun just a couple of minutes ago, but his street showed no sign of it. It seemed the party hadn't left the magically enlarged house yet. Outside on the street the first sign of wizards appeared. Appearing out of thin-air was a man twice the size of a normal man, a tall man with a white beard, and a beautiful, young, gold-furred centaur.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Hagrid?" Dumbledore asked him calmly.

"I have to, sir." Hagrid said nervously. "This girl/centaur is a part of my life now and I don't want to hide her anymore.

"Your choice Hagrid" Dumbledore sighed. "But not everyone will have the same reaction to you dating a horse that I did. Many people will find it disturbing."

"Well then let them!" said Lissie the centaur. "Hagrid, you and I both know that people will never accept us being together, but we can't let that come in-between our love!"

"Spoken like a true horse" said Dumbledore.

"She's right," said Hagrid. "We have to do this… and we will"

"Well then, this is definitely going to be a fun night" smiled Dumbledore.


End file.
